He Played Me. Then He Met His Match

My son Wesley has always liked to win.

Baseball, swimming, tennis, softball—pretty much any sport or game he played—if there was a score involved, Wes wanted to come out on top.

We had a foosball table in the basement when he was a teenager. But after a while, I noticed no one was playing it anymore.

“How come?” I asked Wes.

“My friends don’t like to play with me because I always beat them,” he replied.

Those who know Wes know what that is like. But, playing games and sports is what gave (and still gives) Wes joy.

The arts, however, were a different story.

Broadening His Horizons

He still gives me grief for making him sit through a live performance of The Nutcracker at the Chicago Ballet when he was a kid.

Then, when Wes was in middle school, his dad and I thought it would be good for him to broaden his horizons a little, so we encouraged him to join the concert band.

He reluctantly agreed.

And of all the instruments he could have chosen, Wes chose…the bass clarinet.

Which is one of the largest instruments in the band.

At first I thought, “Great! He’s found an instrument!”

Then I figured out what he was doing.

Playing the Clarinet-And Me

The bass clarinet was so big that Wes couldn’t easily bring it home to practice.

Unless, of course, his mother got in the car, drove two blocks to school, picked him and the bass clarinet up, and drove them two blocks home.

I actually did that a few times.

And then listened to him squeaking on the bass clarinet upstairs in his room while our dog Cody howled in unison.

Then I realized: I’d been played.

And I thought, “This is nuts. I’m just gonna let the kid do what he likes to do.”

Which, of course, was sports.

Needless to say, his band career was brief. But his sports career was not.

Similar But Different

So, imagine my delight that all these years later, Wes fell in love with a creative, artsy person.

His new wife MJ is a painter, illustrator, and a book editor. She loves to read. She’s sporty, but she doesn’t seem to think every athletic activity needs to end with someone winning.

Although, I must say, she did seem to enjoy it when she, Wes, and cousins Scott and Kevin won the Coon’s golf scramble on our annual family vacation. In fact, there may have been a little flaunting. And guess who’s wearing the green jacket in the picture of the awards ceremony?

So, in many ways, they’re similar, but different.

Take the end of their workday.

MJ spends much of her day reading, so by evening she’s ready to put down the books and talk.

Wes spends much of his day talking to people, so by evening, he’s ready to stop talking and read.

Somehow, though, they make it work.

Common Interests

And they have some very important things in common.

They love going to Cubs games and dining on hot dogs in the Friendly Confines. They love their two cats. They love to laugh and be playful together.

And they both love their families.

MJ has this great positivity about her. She’s happy. She’s enthusiastic. And she brings that spirit with her wherever she goes.

But what I love most is watching the two of them together.

They tease each other. They laugh. They genuinely seem to enjoy being together.

It’s been incredibly satisfying to see Wes find someone with whom he can completely be himself—and who brings something different and wonderful into his life.

Someone Who Expands Your World

Wes and MJ aren’t the same people. And thank goodness for that.

Because I don’t think finding the right partner is about finding someone exactly like you. It’s about finding someone who shares the things that really matter to you, but also expands your world.

I tried to expand Wes’s world with The Nutcracker and concert band.

MJ has done a much better job.

So, I’m very happy that the two of them found each other.

Although I have loved every minute (well maybe not EVERY minute—you know what I’m talking about, parents) that I’ve been Wesley’s mom, I’m delighted that I finally get to have a daughter, too.

And MJ’s parents, Barbara and Greg, raised a wonderful daughter—creative, positive, loving, and very much her own person. I’m so glad that through Wes and Margaret, our families have found each other, too.

Here’s to a lifetime of of family, laughter, sports, books, the arts, cats, playfulness, and always finding ways to talk.

Note: Wes and MJ were married on September 25, 2026. This is the speech I gave at the Welcome Dinner the night before.